Slapstick

Yesterday I slipped on a banana peel. I know! How ridiculous is that? I had stepped out of my car after parking in front of Linens N Things and was preparing to open the back seat to get Mary out. Suddenly my foot slid out from under me so I was doing like a half splits. A banana split, if you will. Shut up. I looked down expecting to see a patch of ice, even though the temperature outside was in the 50's. But, no, it was a banana peel. Classic. I chuckled my way through shopping but saved my big laugh for home, in private.

The Babysitter Cometh

We finally gots us an outside babysitter! Once Brian's niece went to college (a full year and a half ago) we were really strapped for sitters and consequently, didn't go out. Ever. Anywhere.

We managed to hook up with the daughter of our old next door neighbor. She is a junior, will have her license in 25 days, and looks to be just awesome with kids. I like her because she jumped right in to play with Annie the other night. Oh, and she assured us that she doesn't go out much because either her friends don't want to do anything, or they want to drink which does not interest her. Are y'all jealous yet?

But wait! There's more! She has already told her mother that she does not want to go away to college so we are talking at least 5 more years of availability here, people. And, come summer, she wants to get a job at Annie's "school". But we will have already staked our claim to her by the time other parents come sniffing around.

I never thought finding a sitter would be so hard. I see why it is though. While I was babysitting at 13 (making a whole one dollar an hour), I must have been a horrendous sitter. I always liked kids but I am fairly certain I wouldn't have picked up after us and if anything bad had happened, I don't know if I was qualified to handle it. In short: I wouldn't want me or anyone like me to sit my kids. Once when I was sitting the Smiths, they were so bad that I called up my dad and had him act like he was Santa and threaten them with coal. Another time, I was babysitting for a neighbor's grandchildren. After they fell asleep I remembered that they had a daughter that died and I got it in my head that she died in their house. Then I heard noises coming from the room the baby was sleeping in and no one bothered to tell me that they had a cat rattling around upstairs and I had to call my sister to come over and keep me company.

I used my first Santa threats on Annie yesterday. She is going through a bad phase of collapsing and whining every time she doesn't get her way. By 10 a.m. yesterday morning she had had three such collapses and I played the Santa card. These collapses make me INSANE. She comes off as such a spoiled child when she does it, and that's one thing I simply can't abide by. And she is starting to act bratty in stores when I tell her she can't have something. How did that happen? I have been so careful to not get her everything she asks for and yet she acts as though she'll die if she can't have something. It makes my blood absolutely boil.

Oh, hey, don't take your kid to see Happy Feet. Out local rag attributed its PG rating to "minor peril" but the movie was scary! And dark. And NOT funny. The animation was at times quite breathtaking but it is not a movie for the very young. Plus (middle age lady alert), when did movies get so LOUD?? Good lord, my teeth were shaking. Even in parts of the movie that weren't scary, the music builds to such a crescendo at such high decibals that my heart was pounding. Turn it DOWN, ya whippersnappers!

Annie usually loves the movies, too. She perches her popcorn on her lap and methodically plows through it, only pausing for an occassional wave of the hand that indicates she is ready for her beverage to be brought to her lips. Heh-can't imagine why she's spoiled! I could tell the movie was making her uneasy, though she held it together. Until we went to the bathroom in the theatre afterwards and the freakin' hand driers sounded like goddamn freight trains and then she sort of broke down a little on the way out. I promised her that next time we'd go to a more gentle movie. A friend suggested Charlotte's Web but I know what happens at the end and no thank you.

Cleaning House

Hey, how's about a playlist? Is it a sad comment on my life that I even have a playlist called
"Cleaning House"? Sigh. Hey, I also have ones called,
"Walking Dance Party" and "Sitting Out Back". So, not only do I clean, but I walk. And sit! Oh, man, now I'm depressed. Anyhoo-here's the stuff I clean to:


Graduate-Third Eye Blind
Friend of the Devil-Grateful Dead
How to Save a Life-The Fray
Sarah Silverman-Every Damn Day
Crash Into Me-Dave Matthews Band
The Remedy-Jason Mraz
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing-Jack Johnson
Right By Your Side-The Eurythmics
Switch-Will Smith
Walking on Broken Glass-Annie Lennox
Do Right-Jimmie's Chicken Shack
Oh-Dave Matthews Band
Catch My Disease-Ben Lee
Hangin' Around-Counting Crows
21 Things I Want in a Lover-Alanis Morrisette
The Impression that I Get-The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones
Stan-Eminem
Peaceful World-(yeah-right after Eminem! I'm multifaceted, don'cha know)Mellencamp
Heart of a Miracle-The BoDeans
JellyMan Kelly-James Taylor
Holiday from Real-Jack's Mannequin

I'm off for a walk-or mayhaps a sit.