Get well soon, Big D

I know. Totally lame, I am. But I was busy with playing Santa and then home to Chicago for New Year's and the cat ate it and I got a flat tire and blah blah blah.

So Happy New Year, y'all!

It was good to be home. I miss my family and friends and I miss Lake Michigan. It probably wasn't a good idea to ever move away from the Lake. It was my anchor growing up. No wonder I feel so rudderless here. How am I supposed to have a sense of direction when my absolute East doesn't exist?

As you can see, it's game, set and match on the girly shite with Annie. Sigh. I even let her buy The Little Mermaid yesterday at Target with the money her Grandma and Pop-Pop gave her for Christmas. Later, Brian and I had to call her Ariel. I know when I'm beaten. But I am signing her up for Spring soccer this week; the dark side shouldn't go unchecked, after all.

I still had trouble making amends with all the STUFF my girls got for Christmas. It makes my stomach hurt a little to think about it. There's the things that Santa brought, of course. Then between the 2 of us, Brian and I have 10 siblings. Plus the grandparents. Just so much stuff. I think that's why I might be overreacting a wee bit when Annie asks for ANYthing these days. I just never want her to take receiving gifts for granted. But she's only THREE, says the devil's advocate that rents in my brain. She doesn't know from spoiled. The whole thing left me feeling unsettled and I am still trying to work out why.

Dallas had surgery the day after we returned home. She had had these fatty growths for almost as long as I've known her. They might appear, disappear and reappear over a period of time, but none ever grew to be too large until recently. Three pretty big ones came and didn't leave plus one hard one, lime-sized, on her tummy that we really didn't like the looks of. The vet ended up removing 6 sizable lumps and biopsied the tummy one. I already kind of know that it's malignant, though we won't find out for sure for another week or so. I don't say that lightly, but part of loving Dallas so much has always been trying to brace myself for eventually losing her. She's a big dog and twelve years old and I can do the math. Since we had everything removed though, I think we bought (and paid dearly for, money being no object with regards to our beloved D)her a couple more really good years. OH, Plus? We got her teeth cleaned and it's a miracle...she has like no breath at all! Her breath used to smell like the inside of Nickerson's Fish Market but now it's the carbon monoxide of breath, totally odorless. But poor dear is all staples and bald spots.

Timely, then that I got Brian a woven blanket with Dallas' image on it for his birthday, which is tomorrow. Well, Dallas and I went in on it. It looks pretty good, though the picture I submitted was a little dark, in retrospect. Tomorrow I will make him a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting because that's what he wants and he obviously doesn't know any better because anyone who knows anything knows that white cake wtih chocolate butter cream icing is really the finer cake.

Acknowledgements

Happy
Thanksgiving!

Since I don't eat turkey and the food at my in-laws can be most generously described as bland, Thanksgiving has become less and less about gorging myself and more and more about truly thankful for all that I have.The older I get, the less I take for granted. Today I am thankful for:

-My family. That is, the one Brian and I made. I am thankful for our health, our opportunities, and our love.

-My family. That is, the one my mom and dad made. My brothers and sisters are just so very...how you say...awesome and without them, I'd be lost. And my mom is still my #1 person to call when I need to feel better, and in spite of her own nearly constant sorrow she always manages to help.

-My friends. Some keep me sane, some keep me laughing and most do both. I hope that I give to them as much as I get, which is lots.

-My health.

-Pizza.

-The milk of human kindness

-My love of animals-there's a reason that pet owners live longer. Unless that pet is Henry (see photo)

-Second chances

-Not having to fight in a war. I often have to remind myself that we are at war. It's not right that I am so untouched by it but there you have it. Yet there are people, wives, husbands, sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, fighting...in some god-awful country away from there families fighting and they are so brave to have volunteered for this unfathomable, stupid war.

-Summer

-Winter (how else would I know to be thankful for Summer??)

-Target. It's everywhere I want to be.

-Joy

Jack Benny

Yesterday was my birthday. It was strange because even though I really don't mind getting older, I was depressed for much of the day. I kept waiting for something to happen, some sign that the day was different that every other day. I admit it, I was feeling sorry for myself. Homesick again and just a little blue. But things got better.

For starters, 2 of my awesome sisters sent Target gift cards. Now, even though I have a love affair with Target that is passionate and lasting, it wasn't so much the cash value and shopping potential as much as it was the thought. How needy am I? We normally don't do gifts among my siblings and it was an out of the blue surprise.

Later we took the girls to the playground and had a ball. Mary rode on the baby swing for the first time and lurved it. God, she and Annie are such the tale of two babies, Annie screamed on those swings until...well, it was only this summer that Annie would go on swings. But Mary laughed and laughed and I was laughing, too at the insane looking baby with the enourmous, pointy jacket hood and the crazy cackle.

After the playground we went to the liquor store and got my summer beer, Tequiza. Upon our arrival home, Brian's brother called and said yes, they would come over and play with Annie (Mary still can't keep her eyes open past 6) so we could go out for dinner. This was a great treat.

We have had a terrible time finding a sitter ever since G had the nerve to go to college. I thought I found one in Annie's afternoon "teacher" until I realized that she doesn't particularly like children. Some days when I pick Annie up she'll just balls-out say, "Thank GOD, another one is being picked up". Last week I saw her totally make a little girl cry unnecessarily, and then yell at the poor girl, "knock it off!". When Annie and I left the room I asked her if Miss Yellypants had ever screamed at her and Annie very matter-of-factly said, "I don't do anything bad" which is just so true and amusing that she is aware of this. And yes, I told the director that this broad is NOT good for the school knowing that for 8 bucks an hour (for aides) they aren't going to get the cream of the crop but still.

ANYway yes, we went out to my most favorite restaurant and the food was incredible and we realized that we could not even begin to recall the last time that just the two of us went out and vowed to start dating again in spite of our poverty. I think we have our old next door neighbor on the hook for sitting now. Awesome. She is a sweetie, just got her license and used to take care of Dallas for us. So.

I ended up having a really nice birthday, taking the circuitous route to gratitude and happiness that I tend to favor these days.